Who Fathers The Dew?

IMG_6554 A mug of steaming coffee in one hand and my study Bible in the other, I step out onto the patio to read and meditate upon scripture. My favorite resting spot beckons to me. A lizard scurries away as I approach, jumping into the aloe plant for cover. I slowly ease myself onto the rocking chair positioning myself to read in comfort.

The cool morning breeze causes me to shiver so I take a quick swig from my cup to generate a little heat. I tilt my head back and close my eyes, allowing the sun to bathe my face with warm golden rays of bliss. I can hear the early song of the mockingbird filling the air and it brings a sense of peace to my mind and soul.

Today my study is in Job. I’ve read most of his woeful story. I’ve marveled at his ability to endure horrendous sorrow and pain. And, I’ve wondered if I would have been able to pass Job’s test. Now I’m to the place where God begins to dialogue with him. This is the climax to Job’s story and I’m curious to see how Job responds to God’s questions.

You see, prior to this, Job and his friends argued and challenged each other’s faith and belief in God. Their questions were numerous on how God saw Job’s plight. Job grew angry with God, yet he trusted him. In the end, no one, especially Job, believed they could face God, nor stand before his presence to await his response. “Do you think I’m dumb enough to challenge God? Wouldn’t that just be asking for trouble? No one in his right mind stares straight at the sun on a clear and cloudless day.” (Job 37:22 MSG) Imagine Job’s response when God began to respond!

God answers Job with questions, ones that force him to realize the identity of God. “I have some questions for you, and I want some straight answers. Where were you when I created the earth?” (Job 38: 3 MSG) Shut up! God’s speaking and I sense a whirlwind shaking the earth upon which Job stood.  As I read I visualize the morning stars singing, the light approaching from the east, the earth taking shape and robed in brilliant colors.  I see the churning of the sea with its bouncing white caps and I gaze upon the ominous gates of death. I lay the book down as my mind races from the intensity of the words, my heart wildly beating.  This is the sovereignty of my God!

Now the sun’s brilliance casts glimmering droplets of gold around my chair.  I stretch my legs to experience the full effect of its warmth.  As I reach over to pick up my cup of coffee, I see a drop of dew sliding downwards from a petal of my Calla Lily plant.  It sparkles and shimmers just before dropping onto the pavement. What a simple statement of beauty!  A question drifts on the breeze and swirls in my ear, “Who fathers the dew?”

I sat up.  In a split second I understood the meaning of God’s interrogation of Job.  It was not so much a reprimand as it was God asking Job, “do you love me enough to trust me with your life? I created the universe, can I not handle your life’s journey?

Whenever I feel overwhelmed from the problems I face and feel all alone in my sea of troubles, I remember the power of a God who shakes mountains yet fashions a delicate jewel of water.  Yes, he can awe me with the grandeur of his majesty, but I also know the gentle caress of his love which reminds me how much he truly cares.

 

 

 

Battle Scars

Within God’s love, your scars heal and you will know peace.

As I was sitting on the bench outside this morning, I noticed an old scar on my right knee, which I have had since I was about eight years old.  I vaguely remember how it happened.  I was playing outside, fell onto the driveway, and a bit of loose glass tore a gash into my skin.  I cried, no,  I wailed while my mother cleansed it with iodine and covered it with gauze to keep it clean.  After awhile, the scar healed into the shape of an eye, a small white slit,  and to this day it remains the same. 

Have the issues in life dealt you a hard blow, left you bruised and caused you great pain?  Have you healed, and how long did it take to heal?  Have you fallen and been left scarred?  I am not talking about the physical body but your internal spirit.  What has scarred you internally?  Here are some emotional issues or adhesions that may leave internal scars.  Perhaps you recognize the source of your wound?

  • Shame
  • Feelings of worthlessness
  • Feeling unloved
  • Hopelessness
  • Divorce
  • Confusion
  • Depression
  • Financial burdens
  • Fear

Your adhesion may not even be listed above, but yet your spirit caused you to react to the pain.  Scars are the body’s attempt to heal itself quickly so that it can return to normalcy.  At times the body cannot heal the adhesion fully, in fact, it may not be able to completely restore the damage.  That is why the scar tissue stands out for others to see.  We heal poorly and the scar reminds us that we were hurt in action.  Did you know that some scars will cause pain long afterwards?  The pain is still within the tissue and will cause distress on occasion. 

If your internal scars are still causing you spiritual grief, you may be reacting by covering it up through destructive actions.  Withdrawal, overeating, anger, drugs, alcohol, improper sexual desires and acts, depression, etc. are all symptoms of your scar’s pain. 

I discovered scar tissue is poorly supplied with blood and that is why the new tissue is pale in comparison to the skin around it.  Then, I reflected upon the fact that when Christ restores our spirit, it is well supplied by His blood and the wound is wholly restored.  When a body is healthy, internal adhesions will sometimes go unnoticed because the body will repair itself well.  Similarly, when we are in tune with Christ, our body is healthy and wounds will not leave scars in our spirit. 

I do not try to cover my physical scar, it reminds me that time heals all things.  It reminds me that adhesions cause deep wounds and pain, but washing it clean and covering it with care begins the healing process. When people ask me about my eye-shaped scar, I tell them that it’s an old battle scar just for fun.  And then I tell them the real story,  letting them know it reminds me time heals all things, but most importantly how God was with me through the entire healing process.  I think my sweet Lord left that unusually shaped scar on my knee to remind me of His constant love and care over me.   The following verse reminds me that sometimes scars, like memorials, can be used to share how God works, even through hardship and pain.  It builds our faith. 

“In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones (scars) mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD.  When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off.  These stones (scars) are to be a memorial to the people of Israel (you) forever”  Joshua 4:6-7  (NIV)

Dear friend, if you have suffered a wound and the scar is still inside, ask God to heal you from the inside out.  He will send his sweet Holy Spirit to anoint it with pure oil from above and cause it to heal.  Be patient.  Have faith. You can heal from this pain. It may take time but it will heal, and the scar will disappear. (John 8:32)

 Blessings,

Dee

My Letter

source: microsoftphoto: desktoptowallpaper.com

A letter to my husband:
 
Hello.
 
Rich, growing up was not a very enriching experience for me.  I always felt like there was so much inside me, but I believed they were crazy thoughts.  Thoughts like, “why am I the person I am?” and, “what would happen if I were not here on this earth?”  Now, coming to realize that they were normal questions, makes me sad.  Questions I had about sex,  I had no one to talk to about them, so I went to my girlfriends and we made up our own conclusions about it. 
 
I was scared most of the time growing up because I had no answers to any of these questions on life.  I always felt empty inside.  I did not know who I was.  I would dare to say that this is the reason I grew up and lived my life the way I did.  Even when I first married, I did not know why I married Denny.  No one told me how life was going to be nor what was expected of me in my marriage.  I destroyed this marriage for lack of knowledge; due to my interpretation of life   And every relationship thereafter I destroyed. 
 
I continued on with this lifestyle even though I felt so confused.  I presented a pretty picture, but inside I was a mess.  I knew the words to start a relationship, but I did not know that commitment meant being transparent.  I did not know how to do that.  I did not know how to share my life with anyone.  I did not know what a budget was or what one looked like.  I did not know that loving someone meant for better or for worse.   
 
About two years ago, God started a work in me that has blown my mind.  I don’t know why he did . . .  but he did.  I have come to realize that God uses ordinary people for his great work.  I am so overwhelmed when I consider how God uses a woman like me for anything.  But you know, when he chooses someone he invests time and love into them because he is the word love.  He walks in love because he is love.  I know that God brought you into my life for a purpose.  When I told you, when we first met, that God wanted us together little did I realize I was speaking truth. 
 
I could not understand you at first so I reverted to what I knew as truth.  I only knew that when you hurt, you hurt back.  I only knew how to lie, cheat and manipulate.  So I used it in force within our marriage.  But when I did use them, God saw through them and he gave you the insight to see through them too.  I would use this trick, that trick, and the next, but God shot down every one of them.  Finally, I was exhausted and hurting and sensed life crumbling around me faster than I could use my bag of tricks. 
 
There were certain key people in my life during this time, that God brought for his purpose, to begin a change.  Most of them were and are your friends and family.  People who actually challenged me, the got-in-my face kind of challenge.  I saw a reality in them that I could not understand.  I wanted to understand them but because I could not, I tore them down before you.  Because I felt like,  “you hurt me so I will hurt you.”  And, because I didn’t  understand them, they frustrated me with their kind of reality.  And, because of them and the one family member that was a relentless rock of love in my life, who at the time I was not aware of, my sister Dee,  I desired to change.   I told God I would do the journey with him.  Little did I realize that it was going to be an atomic bomb on my life!
 
This is where life began for Ermelinda Evans. 
 
It was small, tiny steps because I was not sure of letting go of what I knew as my “life” at that time.  But I now see that God was so consistent and persistent in my life.  God’s love is what loved the change into me.  I saw the purpose in my life for the first time.  I understood I was not an accident, but that I was on purpose.  No one can do what I was sent here on this earth to do.  I have a purpose.  I realize that God made me from his flesh and that I am the material of “LOVE.’  The very thing that I ran from all my life is what I need to have lived in front of me to change.  God knew this and when I gave him the “go” he did just that. 
 
This is what I see in you, my Husband.  I see a man who is a “cracked pot” just like me because of the wars we have been through.  But what I see in your cracked pot is Jesus’ light shining through.  I could not see this through anyone else’s cracked pot, it had to be yours.  What I saw and see is your love for me.  Sometimes I see your cracked pot has tears of water running down from inside.  When those tears are flowing, God tells me whether they are mine or not.  He tells me sometimes those tears are between you and him.  Your love, because of Christ, is creating a change in me.  You are just as ordinary as I am but our God is what makes you an ocean of his love for me.  I don’t understand everything that is inside you, but I do believe that God made you that way because our love is a journey.  The best of our journey is yet to come!  
 
You reduce me to ashes when you come back and ask, “what is wrong?”  When I meant to wound you with my self-appointed sword.  Now, I must find a place to be alone as I am weeping.  I cannot ever hurt you anymore.  You see, when I am hurting you, I am hurting God.  God once told me that when you conspire to hurt your husband, make sure to “take a look behind him — because I am standing right there.”  This is a reality because your love is changing me.  I never, never, never thought that God’s kind of love could walk within a man’s love for me. 
 
“How do I handle this kind of Love?”,  I ask God.  He tells me, “just look and see me there.”
 
So, this is why I am learning to love again.  God is loving me back to life again through his well placed people; who are his love for me in skin.
 
Your ever-changing wife I pray,
Ermelinda